Kanchana Anuradhi

Sexual feelings are defined as feelings with a very strong localized physical pleasure component, or feelings that are closely connected/associated with such feelings. Evolutionary, sexual feelings are closely connected with reproduction; however, the connection is not ordinarily a part of the feeling. Sexual feelings are closely connected towards love and attraction, but these are not necessary for feelings to be sexual. As with all feelings, the essence and identity of sexual feelings lies in the understanding and perception of the feelings. As such, sexual pleasure cannot exist without an appropriate mental context. For example, otherwise pleasant feelings may be not truly enjoyable when the sex is coerced, and the victim may be confused over whether he or she enjoyed the encounter. It is also possible for a victim to enjoy the physical feelings, yet suffer much more from the emotional distress.

 Dear November, You were my good days, but you also gave me your worst. When leaves started falling and bursting all autumn colors, people around me did too. And even when I tried to bag them all with care, I ended up leaving with my bag always empty and finding my way home alone in your crisp November fall air. He came in like summer, like hope, like water in the desert — full of promises of love and everything else that is good. He said he liked me for my summery glow, my sun-kissed skin and traces of honey — but come autumn and he didn't know what to do when I became a semblance of his Novemberish nightmare that he never did liked too. Just then, all at once, summer collapsed to a dreary fall. And by the next spring he found his new summer too.

  I know, I know I will be. But let me first sit with my pain in silence, let me grieve the things I lost trying to find myself until I am ready to bury them without the hurt. Let me admit my weaknesses with the bravery I have left knowing that my lunchbox days are now far beyond my reach and someday will be forgotten as I unpack the only baggage I am left now — one full of things that brought restlessness in me. Let me take unhurried pauses in this verse of my life, and breathe for a while. To fall in love with myself all over again, taking the pause and acknowledge all the feelings I've left unattended for quite some time. This is the exact place that I should be right now. 

Dear diary, I'm learning. I'm learning to get out of my shell and do the things i always wanted to do but couldn’t because i was scared of what people might say. I still am scared but i know great things lie beyond fear, and i deserve them. So I’m slowly taking my power back into my hands and I’m trying to care less about what people think of me. I’ve got only one life, I can’t waste it hiding who I am! I hope i create a life i'm proud of.